School of hard knocks, sir

"I was born under a wandering star
in the second council house of Virgo
Forceply removed from the belly of my ma
and raised on milk and Pernod
So just lie back and think of England
Because I slid down bannisters
for judges and bannisters
reader's wives' husbands
with toothless decay
I've been GBH'd and ABH'd
for a packet of B & H
I've been taken
and I've been driven away
I was fornicating
before I could read or write
and now I can't stop, sir
I graduated from the Universty of Life
and the school of hard knocks, sir
And my telephone is always ringing
and my number is triple-X directory
call 0898 treble three
Talk dirty to me
Oh come on all ye unfaithful,
joyful, triumphant and pathetically weak
I've been Amsterdamned, Reeperbahned,
wham bam no thank you mammed
If the spirit is willing
then the telephone's cheap
And if you want to step outside love
you step outside love with me
You can step outside with me
And if we ever meet again
Don't know where
and I don't care when
I'm gonna help you with you're sickness
like a Jehovah's Witness
you'll be born again
and again, and again
Just lie back, close your eyes
and think of England
and what England's done for me."

Carter USM, England.